Sweet Tea recipe

A year ago I stopped drinking Coke. I had purchased a Mr. Coffee Iced Tea maker that was working out very well. I would just add sugar to my glass of tea. I tried to make sweet tea once, but it got clogged with the sugar.

Two weeks ago, I decided to try my hand at making sweet tea. I found some recipes online and had been interested in the kind where you make a sugary syrup first and then brew and add water/ice. I think I found my ideal recipe.

Get a pot with a lid. Add water (it doesn't matter how much water you use) and 1 1/2 cups sugar. Bring to a boil and add 4 Family size Lipton Iced Tea bags. Remove from heat, cover and brew for 2 hours. Add to a pitcher and add 2 trays of ice and fill the rest of the way with water.

YUM!

I'm loved by God

I do know that He loves me. A friend requested that if someone had a word from the Lord for him, he sure could use it because he's been feeling quite down lately. I wanted to get a word for him, so I sought the Lord. I looked at my verse of the day on my page. Although this is a word for all, of course, I wanted something more. I found something that I thought was for my friend and sent it to him.

During that time, I received 2 e-mails from friends. They were the sort of e-mails that are sent out to a bunch of people - the sort of e-mails I usually just skim through and delete. But today I read them. And I felt the Lord speaking to me through them.

I think that since I had been so focused on hearing from the Lord on behalf of my friend, the Lord is opening my eyes to His love all around me. Even though today is Monday, I have yet to make my bed, my kids are arguing and I have not started school today, there is a joy in my spirit and an excitedness about what today will bring.

My prayer today is that the Lord will continue to open my eyes to His goodness and love for me and for all who are in need of it.

May your day be blessed. May you allow the Lord to reach out and capture your heart. May your ears be open to the wonders and mysteries He longs to share with you. May your heart be open to others that they may see the love of God in you.

His soul could no longer endure

I've been reading the book of Judges. It is interesting to read how the Israelites would follow the Lord under one judge, but then go back to worshipping false gods under another. And the Lord looks on that like adultery. His anger would burn against Israel and He would deliver them into the hands of their enemies. And after a few years, they would cry out for deliverance.


In Judges 10:14-16, the Lord responds to the cries saying, "Go and cry out to the gods which you have chosen; let them deliver you in your time of distress." The children of Israel admit that they have sinned and deserve whatever the Lord will do to them, but they plead for deliverance. They then put away the foreign gods and served the Lord. And His soul could no longer endure the misery of Israel.


So, because the Lord had a covenant with them and because they were His chosen people, He could not turn from them. Even though His anger burned hot against them for turning from Him to false gods. When they finally came back and served Him, He could no longer endure their misery.


I take comfort in knowing that when I put my trust in anything but Him, I can still return and He will not be able to endure my misery. The knowledge also helps me to not want to turn from Him and serve Him even more. Think about it. God's soul could no longer endure their misery. His love is so great that when His children turn back to him, He is not able to endure their misery. THAT's the God I want to serve.

Victory with 300 men

Judges 6:27-7:23


The Lord caused Gideon to do something that made the Midianites angry enough to come against Israel to fight. Remember that the Midianites had forced them out of the land into caves and ruined crops and killed their animals.


The Lord had Gideon bring together men to fight the Midianites, but said that the 32,000 that were there were too many. He brought the numbers down to 300 so that Israel would know that this was done by the Lord's hand.


The army gathered around the countless men of the Midianites and Amalekites and did as the Lord had said. This caused the enemy to turn against themselves.


I take from this that no matter what comes against us, no matter how difficult things may seem, if we seek the Lord and do what He tells us, no matter how strange it may seem, He will prevail.

But Lord, how can I ...

Judges 6:15, 16

God does not look at outward appearances or even our physical strengths (or lack of them). He searches to find those whose hearts are open to Him so that He can work through them.

Gideon stated that he was the "weakest in Manasseh and the least in my father's house." So of the thousands of Israelites, God chose someone who said that they were the weakest in their tribe, the least in their family. He didn't choose the one who looked like he could whoop some, well, you know what. He didn't chose one who was great in his tribe or family. He chose Gideon. And I think this is why. In Judges 6:13, we see that Gideon is questioning why war has come to Israel, why they have become impoverished, why the nations are rising up against them, when they should be the ones taking the land. He questioned. He rememberd the stories from his fathers about the Lord's miracles and the Lord bringing them up out of Egypt.

Seek the Lord, remember his promises, remember what He has done in our lives and in the lives of those that went before us. He uses those who seek His face and remember His deeds.

I want to be used by God.

War and Peace

Leonard Jones had posted a bulletin about peace and war and in this bulletin, he said, "peace does not mean an absense of war, but in the Kingdom that is inside of me there is peace in the midst of war".

I had been reading the book of Judges. Israel had been told to drive out the inhabitants of the land He had given them. But after Joshua's death, the Israelites fought, took over the land, but did not drive out the inhabitants. In Judges 3:1-2 the Lord shows us that the Lord used the enemies still living in the land to teach the Israelites to know war. I think it's important for us to know war. To not sit back and peacefully accept the enemy in our land i.e. sickness. We are to fight the enemy. How? With the tools that the Lord has given us.


In the account of Deborah, Barak, Jael and Sisera (Judges 4), I believe the Lord is showing that peaceful negotiations would not have worked in this situation. Could Jael have said to Sisera when he passed by her tent, "My lord, please come in and have a seat. When Barak comes through, you all can sit down and talk this through." No, it was God's will that she take action. Angie Thompson has said that Jael used a tool, something that she was used to, something she probably used everyday to bring down the enemy. The Lord used her to stop someone who was coming against His people. God did not use peaceful negotiations, but violent action.

When we come up against the enemy of our souls, we are to take action. We are not to peacefully accept what the enemy is bringing against us. We are to violently fight. Fight with the tools our Lord has given us. Fight with crochet hooks, guitars, fight while we cook and clean. In doing all things as unto the Lord, we are violently advancing the kingdom of Heaven. We are being obedient to the call the Lord has on our lives.

Scents

I have been blessed with a wonderful sense of smell. I could say it's a curse, but really, there are so many wonderful scents out there, I would hate for it to be taken from me. I am able to pick out certain scents even if they are not strong. Comes in handy when I smell smoke. I can tell right away if someone accidentally pressed the dry button on the dishwasher.

It did seem to be a curse during my pregnancies, however. I felt I could always smell cat urine, even when we didn't have a cat. That was not fun.

Today some of my kids are eating waffles and some are eating Honey Nut Cheerios. For some reason, I just do not like the scents of either. And having both of them overwhelm me at the kitchen table makes me wish my recent purchase from Yankee Candle of Tart Wax Potpourri would come in. I got a bunch of different scents - Autumn Wreath, Biscotti, Cinnamon Vanilla, Cranberry Peppermint, Roasted Coffee, Sage & Cinnamon, Spiced Cocoa and Sugar Cane & Vanilla.

I'm looking forward to filling my home with these wonderful scents.

Evaluations

The evaluations are over and were a success! It's a simple reminder that the God of the universe loves me.

Evaluation

I pushed back our evaluation from last Tuesday to tomorrow (8/23). I'm wishing now I hadn't. I am so not looking forward to this, I feel sick. I know, the worst that can happen is that they will not progress. But I just have this awful fear of failure and what the evaluator will think of me. I know - silly. Fear of man thing and all. But I just went through the girls' books and, well, I just want to buy those books.

Scott is coming home for the evaluation, it's at 1. I'll check back in when it's over.

Evaluation

I homeschool 4 of my kids.

The first year I homeschooled, I gave my daughter a standardized test and turned it into the state.

The second year, my daughters were seen by an evaluator. She was a bit rough around the edges, but things went fine.

The third year I took my girls to her again. She passed my youngest daughter and did not pass my oldest daughter. Her understanding of my daughter's curriculum was incorrect. And her basis of evaluation was incorrect. She did not look to see if my daughter showed progress - she looked at my daughter's age and said that she should know cerain things that she did not know and did not pass her. I turned that into the school board instead of getting a second opinion. I was not a strong person and just didn't think of getting a second opinion.

But that evaluation caused me to believe that I couldn't teach my children effectively. But I knew that the Lord called me to homeschool my kids. There was a war going on inside my head and I was going crazy.

I continued to homeschool my daughters the next year and my son also joined the ranks. But when it came time for evaluations, I couldn't take them to the other evaluator for fear of the same thing happening as last year. But I also didn't pursue getting another evaluator because I was afraid of what to tell the other evaluator and I was afraid I would be judged and my kids wouldn't pass. I told you I wasn't a strong person.

The next school year, I homeschooled 4 of my kids. A friend of mine was looking for an evaluator and told me that she found someone and gave me her number. I called her because I knew I needed to get the evaluations done, but I was a year behind and cowering in fear. The school board hadn't contacted me about the missing year, but I was so scared to open my mailbox everyday for fear that they would suspend my right to homeschool.

I saw Wendy, the new evaluator, and explained that we hadn't had the kids evaluated in 2 years, can she do 2 years for us. She did. She wrote up 2 letters per kid, well, the three that needed them and one for my son who had just started.

2005 - I was feeling insecure again in this area since we started out thinking we would do unit studies. Homeschooling 4 kids and having 2 babies was stressing me out. I did one unit study, had them do math and for a couple of months (they go by so fast), I did only Math. I didn't have all the books, and the fear just started taking over because of my procrastination.

I think it was January when I started getting back on track with the school work, but I was having the kids correcting each other's work. I still was having a difficult time managing everything.

Then I found out that Wendy moved out of state. I was crushed because I thought we had finally found someone who worked for us. Now we would have to find someone else.

I sort of left the ball in my friend's court since she was the one to find Wendy in the first place and I knew she would have to find someone for her son. They went away on vacation during July and I got to spend that whole month worrying.

We started up homeschooling again this past week, just picking up where we left off with one exception. I am now sitting down with them. We all work on the same subject at the same time. I work with them to make sure they are understanding their work. I read aloud and work with them on their problems. I still hadn't found an evaluator. My friend came back this week, but I hadn't spoken to her. I realized it really wasn't up to her to find me an evaluator, although, it would easier that way. I had been praying nearly every day for the past month that the Lord would send us an evaluator.

My friend called today to let me know she found someone. I called him and he sounds very kind. He had 7 children of his own that are homeschooled. He has been an evaluator for the past 10 years and has taught highschool, middleschool, been a principal and is now writing curriculum.

I had gone through the boys' work last week because their drawer was completely disorgainized. I don't think the girls' work will be too difficult to go through.

I have an appointment with him to evaluate my kids on Tuesday at my friend's house with her son. I am so scared. I guess I'm still weak. I am trying so hard not worry about what other people think, not to be a man pleaser, but my kids future with homeschool lies in this man's hands. Ok, it lies in mine, but if I blew it last year, he has the power to pass or fail them.

So, tomorrow and Monday I will be going through their books to gather a sample of their work for the evaluator to go through. I will be praying that the Lord give me peace and help me stop worrying. It is what it is. I cannot go back and do things over. I need to accept responsibilty for my actions and hope that things go well on Tuesday and make this next year our best year so far.

This phone call today should have increased my faith. The Lord answered my prayer and sent me an evaluator. But I am still feeling so insecure in my ability to teach my kids that I forgot to look at that as an answered prayer - a blessing.

If you believe in the power of prayer and believe in Jesus Christ and believe that God still answers prayers today, if you are reading this and it is not yet Tuesday, August 15, 1:00 PM EST please pray for me. Pray for Bill, the new evaluator and pray for my kids.

Thanks.

Necklace

Some friends and I pitched in to purchase a necklace for another friend for her birthday. I contacted Melissa from Glory to God Designs and told her what I had in mind, based on a vision I received while in prayer about this. I had seen hands cupped together with blue inside.

Well, I received the necklace today and it's beautiful! She did such a great job on it.

The silver bowl is about the size of a quarter. Around the blue opal, it says, "Before the lamb holding golden bowls of incense prayers of the saints singing worthy" - parts of Revelation 5:7-9.



  


I highly recommend Melissa if you have any jewelry you'd like to have made. She's professional and a joy to work with.

Exercise

I exercised today. It was the first time since June 9. I could feel that I gained weight and last night I just knew I needed to start up again. Although it was difficult, I could tell that my body so desperately needed this. It was good to get back in it again. I was glad when the 25 minutes were over, but I was also happy that I did it.

Finding crochet in worship or finding my worship in crochet

For quite a while now, I had been desiring to create my own crochet pieces. But I get stuck on the idea that I just don’t know how to put stitches together, or, in the aspect of making doilies, how much to increase with each round.

It’s been catching up on me, though. The need to create my own projects. And, yes, I believe it’s a need. The Lord has given me this gift and the desire to crochet. I love that things are created with yarn and a hook. It’s amazing to me. But there was something missing.

I have been working on a Superman blanket that I charted out myself and have come to the conclusion that cross stitching on an afghan stitch canvas would yield better results. I will be finishing the blanket how I started it, but I want to try out the cross stitch on an afghan stitch canvas.

Well, today I had decided to practice the afghan stitch/Tunisian stitch. This is a first for me because I usually do not practice crochet stitches, I just pick a pattern and crochet it. But I was a little intimidated by cross stitching on an afghan stitch canvas. I had attempted to do the stitch about 2 or 3 times. The first was successful, however, I got some other requests for items to make so the afghan stitch got put to the side. The other 2 times I just couldn’t get it.

I went into my stash and found some grey yarn that I probably wouldn’t be using for anything else and thought this would be good to practice with. After practicing and researching the “curl” and finding out that this is something that happens and that I can work with, I decided to go forward and make a canvas.

As I was crocheting, I turned on some teachings from Morningstar. It’s from a series called Beholding His Glory and is a teaching series on worship. In the teaching, “The Life of a Worshipper”, Leonard Jones points out that we need to give over our grey matter of our minds to creating new things. I smiled as I watched the grey yarn creating a canvas, knowing this was an encouragement from the Lord that I was going in the right direction.

So, we've been having work done on the house all week. We've had damage to ceilings and wall due to hurricane Wilma last year. My four oldest children are at my mom's for the week. Good timing as I don't know what I would have had the kids do while the work was/is being done. For the moment, the babies and I are either confined to the living room or, later, to my bedroom.

It's been a hard week emotionally. Scott has had something to do outside work/home Monday and Tuesday. He's been working late the other days. I'm stuck at home with no vehicle and no privacy.

Although I'm so happy this work is getting done, I'll be so happy when it's over and I can have my home back.

So, tonight I was feeling a bit emotional. I was listening to these awesome cds by Misty Edwards called Always on His Mind and Eternity. There is this one song that just really spoke to me. I'm going to type out the words, but I found that the music speaks more to me than the actual words do. The music and the way the artist sings it, which cannot be captured in written word. But here it is anyway:

What Only You Can Do

I'll take my cold, cold heart
I'll take my unrenewed mind
I'll take Your word in my hand
and I'll give You time to come and melt me
2x

I can't even love You 'less you call my name
I can't even worship 'less You anoint my heart, God
I can't even want You 'less You want me first
Come, fan the flame
Come, fan the flame

I'll take my cold, cold heart
i'll take my unrenewed mind
I'll take your word in my hand
and i'll give you time to come and melt me

Do what only You can do
Come, fan the flame

Do what only You can do

Just let my heart be alive
Let me be living deep deep on the inside

Come, fan the flame

More on The Da Vinci Code - Opus Dei

Last night, we were given a book by Josh McDowell called, "The Da Vinci Code - A Quest for Answers". It's a short book with 3 college aged characters discussing the movie and then reading the book together and meeting up once a week to discuss the book. One of the characters has done research on some of the organizations and events that occur in the book. When the other two raise questions, he pulls out the research he has found.

I have not read the book. I have not seen the movie. The only way I will read the book or see the movie is if I do not have to put down any money for it. I do not believe in giving people my money who deliberately mock God's word. Although I trust Josh McDowell and trust that his book is a reavealing of falsehoods in Dan Brown's book, I wanted to research for myself, which I am sure that Josh would be more than happy to see people doing.

I start with the first discussion in Josh's book - The Opus Dei. This is a real organization. According to their site and on a page talking about the book and movie, they let truth seekers know that most of the organization is made up of lay people and 2% are priests. But there are no monks in this organization.

I have been hearing that this movie is entertaining and well done. These people have been taking it in as fiction, pure and simple. They also recognize the falshoods stated in the movie and some disagree with what he has said about Christ. My question is, how can a book and movie with so many falsehoods in it do so well? I understand that it's a novel and not marketed as a documentary, however, having truthful statements about events and organizations is nice to be able to get into the story. Many people get angry and upset when a book or movie is inconsistant or incorrect in their portrayal of firearms. I know I am. When a character has a certain firearm and in the next scene he has a different one in hand (this happens alot) or when the character uses the firearm in a way that particular firearm - if real - cannot work. But when a Christian voices concern about a movie depicting Christianity in such poor lighting we are told, how can a book or movie shake you in your faith? My faith is not shaken. But I do not appreciate the lies that are being told in this book.

Mona Lisa Smile

Another W.I.P.

I am watching the movie, "Mona Lisa Smile" with Julia Roberts. Based in 1953, a radical thinker from California comes to the west coast to teach art at a conservative women's college.

I knew that I would like the movie. I knew that the writers wanted to "liberate" the minds of the conservative, or to show it's liberal audience how silly and primitive conservatives are.

The audience is supposed to shudder at the thought of young women being pruned to become wives and mothers and not even out of college.

I am a Christian. I am not religeous. Well, I don't want to be.

Conform to what other people expect or you can (our mega conservative character steps in and finishes the sentence) be ourselves.

It is my belief that liberal society expects women to work. Work, work, work, make money, have sex, get an abortion if you get pregnant, fulfill your dreams now while you are still young. Rise to the top, who cares who you step on.

I'm not saying that the conservative society is better. I don't really know what the conservative society would have women do nowdays. I do know that the choices I have made, the choices my husband and I have made for our family are frowned upon by both sides. 6 children. I stay at home. I homeschool. It's shocking.

We follow what we believe to be the leading of the Holy Spirit. That is the difference between what I do and what a conservative or liberal woman would do. I don't follow what a certain party does or thinks. I don't follow what a religeous party does or think. My frame of reference is the Bible. My bible is the Bible. The inspired word of God. My God is alive. My God is not stuffed in a book. I have a relationship with Him. I know that He has my best interest in mind.

Conservatives are all about traditions.

Liberals are all about breaking them.

No one has all the answers.

I agree with what the writers are saying, that one must not blindly follow others. But don't you dare look down your snooty liberal nose at me, when I tell you that I am a wife who loves her husband. I am a wife who stays at home and homeschools her children. And I want to homeschool through high school. I want my children to be the best at whatever it is they choose to do. But I do think that mothers should be mothers full time. I do not think that it's healthy for a family when a mom works outside the home. The mother should put her husband's needs and the needs of her children first. There is time for a woman, who chooses to get married and have children, to pursue her other dreams after the children have left home.

Ok. So I finished watching the movie. I liked it. I liked the characters and I liked the way Julia Robert's character made the girls think. To not accept something just because it's been this way always.

I did appreciate the interraction between Miss Watson (J.Roberts) and Joan (Julia Stiles) when Miss Watson approached Joan at Joan's house to give her some law school information in the city where Joan's boyfriend was going to be residing. Joan let Miss Watson know that she and her boyfriend eloped last night. Miss Watson was clearly disappointed, but quickly regained her composure and said that Joan could have both. Joan told Miss Watson that being married and having a family was what she wanted. Joan reminded Miss Watson that she told the girls to go after what you wanted. Joan told Miss Watson that what she wanted was to be a wife and mother.

The problem with the interraction was that I was made to believe that Joan wasn't sincere. That Joan was "settling" because that was what was expected of her and was not really what she wanted. Again, the "conservative" lifestyle was made to look like a compromise and not really following your heart.

We are a diverse nation. We all have our own dreams. Just because I am living out my dream of being a stay-at-home mom and a wife diesn't mean I compromised anything else. Not a balanced movie at all. But, is there really a balanced movie out there? This one just struck a nerve because I felt that the "family structure" was being attacked.

The Da Vinci Code

Rick Joyner at Morningstar Ministries had some good information on the book, The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I encourage anyone wanting to seek out truth on this to include this on your list of things to read.

The Da Vinci Code and The Gospel of Judas
Rick Joyner's Word of the Week for week 19 also touches on this.

Rogue Waves

I had been watching the television show on the Discovery Channel called, "Deadliest Catch". Cool show about Alaskan crab fishermen. They had mentioned something about rogue waves coming and coming over the ship.

Monday morning, I awoke to a strange dream. I was in the ocean. There were lots of people there at the beach. This wave comes out of nowhere. It's HUGE. It is over us and smashes us down. I'm ok and look back and there is another one. I run to the beach and the next wave comes and overtakes the beach.

There's more to the dream, but more on that later.

I'm now going through the tv guide looking for interesting shows to record and come across History Channel's, Rogue Waves. I'm watching it now and am reminded of my dream and what I saw on Deadliest Catch.

I think I have some research to do and see what God is speaking in this.

I write to you, little children

I write to you, little children,
Because your sins are forgiven
you for His name's sake.
I write to you, fathers,
Because you have known Him
who is from the beginning.
I write to you, youn men,
Because you have overcome
the wicked one.
I write to you, little children,
Because you have known the
Father.
I have written to you, fathers,
Because you have known Him
who is from the beginning.
I have written to you, youn men,
Because you are strong, and
the word of God abides in you,
And you have overcome the wicked one.

1 John 2:12-14

Jeremiah 17:1-18

My calendar for May has the scripture Jeremiah 17:7,8 - Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord...he will be like a tree planted by the water.

I love this verse. I want to be like a tree planted by the water. I want to be blessed because I trust in the Lord. This verse is awesome. But I wanted to dig a bit deeper and read what happened before Jeremiah wrote this.

Jeremiah 17:1-18

1 "Judah's sin is engraved with an iron tool,
inscribed with a flint point,
on the tablets of their hearts
and on the horns of their altars.

2 Even their children remember
their altars and Asherah poles
beside the spreading trees
and on the high hills.

3 My mountain in the land
and your wealth and all your treasures
I will give away as plunder,
together with your high places,
because of sin throughout your country.

4 Through your own fault you will lose
the inheritance I gave you.
I will enslave you to your enemies
in a land you do not know,
for you have kindled my anger,
and it will burn forever."

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

10 "I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."

11 Like a partridge that hatches eggs it did not lay
is the man who gains riches by unjust means.
When his life is half gone, they will desert him,
and in the end he will prove to be a fool.

12 A glorious throne, exalted from the beginning,
is the place of our sanctuary.

13 O LORD, the hope of Israel,
all who forsake you will be put to shame.
Those who turn away from you will be written in the dust
because they have forsaken the LORD,
the spring of living water.

14 Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise.

15 They keep saying to me,
"Where is the word of the LORD ?
Let it now be fulfilled!"

16 I have not run away from being your shepherd;
you know I have not desired the day of despair.
What passes my lips is open before you.

17 Do not be a terror to me;
you are my refuge in the day of disaster.

18 Let my persecutors be put to shame,
but keep me from shame;
let them be terrified,
but keep me from terror.
Bring on them the day of disaster;
destroy them with double destruction.

I want to be that tree planted by the water. I want to make sure that I don't let sin in my life get in the way.

Mommy, are we going to Morningstar today?

I've been hearing that every day for a week now. It's awesome. The Auld family is going to The Gathering Conference at Morningstar June 29 - July 1. I'm SO excited and so is the rest of the family. Kenaniah, our 3-year-old, has been the one asking me every day. I've been playing the Morningstar worship DVDs and I showed the kids that that's where we are going and that we are staying in the hotel where the conference is going to be held. Kenny wants the conference to be tomorrow! How sweet. He's actually the only one of my kids to have gone to a Morningstar conference. But he cannot remember as he was less than a year old. :)

Frann. Debbie.

I believe that God uses dreams to speak to us. I woke up this morning (maybe around 8:00 or so) to a woman saying, "Frann. Debbie." My mother-in-law's name is Frann. My name is Debbie. My first thought was that an angel was calling both of us. I don't know exactly why, and I did ask God why we were both called. I know that we both suffer/suffered in the past from asthma. So I prayed against asthma, prayed for healing from asthma. I also prayed protection for Frann.

I do pray that the Lord reveal more as the day goes on regarding this.

Hatred and the Power of Forgiveness

I'm listening to a Jack Deere teaching, "The Power of Forgiveness" part 1. I am only 23 minutes into it and have heard the first 15 minutes of it about 4 times today. I'm coming up against some massive opposition to listening to this teaching. It's amazing. I know that it's something that I have to listen to as I'm dealing with forgiveness issues right now. I'd much rather sweep the issues under a rug and forget about them than deal with this forgiveness thing that is so hard.

Anyway, Jack, Mr. Deere, is talking about a time he was praying for this 23 year old woman who has arthritis. He's praying and he thinks that it doesn't seem right that someone so young has arthritis. He hears two phrases. "Failed romance". "Fired". So, he asked her about these things and it turns out that a guy she was involved with broke up with her and around that time she had been fired from a job that she loved working with people that she loved.

Jack told her that she needed to do two things. He said that first she needed to tell God that she forgives them for firing her and then ask God to forgive her for hating them all these years.

Then Jack went on to say that it's not popular in "the church" to say that you hate someone. Some people will say, "you don't really hate someone, you're just very irritated with them." He was saying that you need to be real and understand what it is that you are really feeling. Stop being "religious". Can't we call hate, "resentment, bitterness, advanced loathing". 1 John - if it's not love, it's hatred.

Anger, unforgiveness, rottenness. Wanting someone to pay for their wrong. Proverbs 27:4 - Anger is cruel. Anger is the exact opposite of the currency of the Kingdom of Christ. When we hold anger in our heart, and we don't want to forgive them because they don't deserve it. It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it.

Lord, thank you for helping me to let go of this. You are an awesome God who loves me.

The beauty of the cross will have it's way in me.

Take my life
I belong to You
Take my life
You make all things new
Take my life
I belong to you
Take my life
You make all things new

I belong to you

Coffee Tavern

Yesterday I cleaned off my desk. It's something I need to do about once a week since I put tons of stuff on it all the time. I came across a coffee mug I bought from a place called the Coffee Tavern.

About 2 years ago, Scott, the kids and I went to North Carolina for our family vacation. A friend of ours told us to check out the Coffee Tavern. She had seen it online and thought for sure I'd like it.

We went and it was great. It's this barn that's also a coffee place. It's pretty big. It has a deck that goes all the way around. Besides the strip mall and medical building, there are woods and grassy areas all around. Nice and peaceful. It's deck intersects with a walking path through the area.

This morning I was thinking about the Coffee Tavern. I think it would be so nice to have something like that here. Some place to gather together with others, walk outside, enjoy the scenery.

*Sigh* I'm just feel nostalgic right now. :)

Coffee Tavern's web site

Being obedient to the voice of God

I'm listening to Brad McClendon speak. I have the mp3 of the Deliverance and Spiritual Warfare Conference. Brad's teaching is Ministry of Deliverance and Healing. The teaching is just really stirring up my faith. It's a reminder that God said in John 14:11-14, "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

Sometimes I think it's a scary prayer to pray - "Lord, I want to do greater things than what you had been doing. Use me, Lord. I will obey." But I want to see God's Kingdom come and it starts with the Kingdom inside of me coming out. I think that asking the Lord to use us as He will is the the only way for the Kingdom to come. So that is the prayer I will pray today. Use me, Lord.

~just a thought~

You have not because you ask not

I recently heard a story.

A friend had been receiving phone calls to his cell phone and it was the wrong number. It was a collection agency trying to get a hold of a customer who was behind on their car payments. The collection agency kept calling. I suppose they thought my friend was lying about it being a wrong number or something. Well, my friend decided that since they kept calling, he would go ahead, take the calls as this person and see about getting some grace on this loan for the person. He figured it wasn't going to cost HIM anything, why not? I don't know exactly what happened, but it made me think. Why do I get fearful and intimidated whenever I'm on the phone with these people? It's crazy, I tell you.

Today I checked our bank balance online. Yesterday we had purchased tickets for the family to attend a Morningstar Conference and 2 hotel rooms. Cost a pretty penny, but it was a good price, considering. Anyway, I realized that there wasn't quite enough in the bank to cover it. So I had to write a check from another account we have to cover it. When I checked the bank yesterday, the charges had not gone through. I checked today and the deposit was listed first, but then the bank charged us, 4 times, NSF fees of $25 each! So, I thought, why not call and see about getting the charges reversed? What can that hurt? So I did. The gentleman I spoke with put me on hold, came back and said, "I went ahead and reversed the charges." Cool.

I figured, let's see what my mortgage company will do for me. We have been paying our payments the month the payment is due, but after the grace period. I wanted to see about getting the due date moved from the 1st to the 20th. Unfortunatley, I was unable to make this happen. I did find out, though, that it does not affect our credit when we are late, as long as we pay that month. That's helpful since we are working on getting that fixed up. The $65 late fee a month is hurting a bit, though. Maybe one day, soon, we can get caught up. But the important issue to remember is that I got brave and called to see if it could happen. I was nice on the phone and not intimidated. It was a great feeling. :)

Now, I know that in the context of James 4:2, James is letting us know that we need to ask God with correct motives and not to be greedy. And I don't believe I was being greedy. ;)

Molly Williams

I love listening to Molly's music and know that God has many exciting plans for this woman of God.

This is her MySpace site

This is her website

Enjoy God through Molly's music.

Blue Jays

About 9 years ago, I was sitting in my little kitchen crying out to the Lord about our financial situation. Things looked bleak. We were about to lose our house and file bankruptcy. I prayed and asked God to show me a sign that things were going to be ok. I looked at our bird feeder and said, "Lord, just let a bird show up at the feeder". Sounds like a silly prayer? Not really. I had yet to see a bird at our feeder - and I sat there looking for birds to come.

Well, soon after that prayer, I saw a blue jay appear and I was SO excited! Now, we did lose the house and we did file bankruptcy. However, we have never had to live on the streets, I am able to stay home with my kids - all 6 of them! - and God has blessed us mightily. Every time I see a blue jay, I am reminded that the Lord cares enough to let me know that He's there, listening to my prayers and He's in control.

He is jealous for me

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I'm unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so

We are His portion and He is our pride
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
And grace is an ocean and we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy, wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
Well, I'll think about the way
He loves us

My little guy is a big boy now

Kenaniah is 3. He will be 4 on July 30. He has been potty trained for the most part for a few months now. He's been slow on the naptime/bedtime stuff, though. We've had him in pullups. Well, we ran out and Scott decided we would try him without. That was Sunday afternoon, all day Monday and all day Tuesday. He woke up dry all those time.

I am so happy. Logan's diapers are going to last longer and I no longer have to buy pull ups. At least not for another year when Logan is ready. :)

Bad Days

Originally posted on 4/18/06

It's amazing that one little thing can just set me off. I guess if you were to look deep enough, you'd know that it wasn't REALLY just one little thing. It was simply something that reminded me of an underlying issue that has not been resolved. It seems as if it just will not go away.

Oh, if only... No. I will not go there.

God, remove the root of bitterness so that this cannot happen. Remove the root of bitterness so that the enemy cannot win the battles if/when this happens again.

I just need to listen to Inhheritance again.


The Lord says that there is nothing that you can do
That would make Him love you more
There is also nothing you can do
That would make Him love you less
He loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
Because that is what He is like
It is His nature to love
And you will always be the beloved
And His love is unchanging
And He loves you 100%
He won’t love you any better when you become better
He loves you 100% right now
And even if you have no plans to become better
He will still love you 100%
Because he loves you
Because that’s the way that He is
And even if you don’t want to change
He will love you 100%
Even if you have no plans to walk with him
He will love you 100%
Because that’s His nature
He loves all the way – all the time
His love is unchanging
What will change, says the Lord, is your ability to receive my love
And this evening, I want to cram some more of that ability inside you
So I challenge you, says the Lord
Open your heart to Me
Open your heart to Me
And you will receive more of my love than you have ever experienced before
I dare you, says the Lord, come up
Open your heart to Me
Give me your heart
Give me whatever your obstacle is
I’ll take it. I’ll remove it out of the way
Because I love you as you are right now
I love you 100% as you are right this moment
I love you as you are
So be loved. You are the beloved
It is your job, says the Lord, to be loved outrageously
It is why I chose you
That is why I set my love upon you
That you would live as one who is outrageously loved
That you would receive a radical love
So radical that it will blow all your paradigms of what you think that love is
And know, says the Lord, that I will love you outrageously all the days of your life
Because I don’t know how to be any different
This is who I am
And this is who I will always be
This is the I Am that I promised you
I am He that loves you outrageously
And you may love Me back with the love that I give you
You may love Me back outrageously with the outrageous love that I bestow upon you
And know this says the Lord that you can only love Me as much as you love yourself
So My love comes this evening to set you free from yourself
To set you free from how you see yourself
To set you free from the smallness of your own thinking about yourself
My love comes to set you free from rejection and from shame
and low self esteem and from despair and from abuse
Because when I look at you says the Lord
I see something that I love
I see someone that I can love outrageously
And I have so much to bestow upon you
So much to give you
So many places to take you in my heart
But you can’t go there unless you allow Me to love you
And My love for you will break every barrier
bring every wall crashing down
And know this, says the Lord, My love damages fear
My love hates fear
My love will fight fear
It will fight fear in you
It will fight fear around you
And if you have fear this evening says the Lord, than know that you have a treat in store
Because My perfect love casts out fear
There is no fear where I am present
Because My love casts out fear
Beloved, you are My beloved
You are MY beloved
And in My love I want you to feel good about yourself

Jeremiah Bowser

This week I am going to point you to Jeremiah Bowser. I had purchased his latest cd and absolutely love it. Normally I import new cds into my computer since I have a tendacy to lose things. I had forgotten to do this with Jeremiah's cd. I brought the cd out to the living room to play in the DVD player. I forgot to take it back out again and the kids had since watched Chronicle of Narnia on the DVD player.

I went looking for the cd and found it in the living room, tossed aside on the book shelf. I looked it over and found some scratches on it! I was so upset. :( I took it into the bathroom to wash it with soap and dry with a soft towel. I then imported the album into my computer. After doing so, I played it on my bedroom DVD player. It worked fine. Whew.

Jeremiah is currently working on a new album and you can visit his blog to keep up with what's going on. Jeremiah's MySpace

I hope you enjoy his music as much as I have been.

Be blessed in Jesus' name. :)

Working Out

I had gotten very lazy over the years and my body is definately showing it.

Monday I started going for walks. I am starting at 15 minute walks since 15 minutes is just about all I can handle.

Thursday I didn't go. I had to wait for the handiman and by the time he left I was depressed that I'm still handwashing dishes and still have a leak under the sink. So I didn't go out walking. And I paid for it. I was lazy all day. I know that had I walked I would have felt better. I looked on the tv for any excersize programs, but they come on early in the morning. So I went ahead and set Denise Austin's 2 shows to record the next day.

Yesterday I walked and in the afternoon I did the fit and lite program which is pilates and yoga. Ok. Not bad. I can tell I'm out of shape, but I can do this.

This morning I started with the fit and lite and then went to her aerobics. Oh man. When she got to the abs, I had to stop. Made me sad to see how strong I wasn't. But, you know what? I am getting stronger. I can feel it already. One day I'll be able to do the whole program. As long as I stick to it.

Jackson

On January 5, I found out through a forum I post at, there was a little boy who was born at 29 weeks. They didn't expect him to last long as he had calcification of the heart. His parents are friends of one of the posters on this forum. I asked her if it would be alright to make a blanket for him. She said yes, but wasn't sure how long little Jack would live. I made it and had my intercessor group pray over it.

They received the blanket and even posted about it on their online journal at CaringBridge. They sent me a Thank You note and mentioned that it matched the colors in his room. It was a green color.

I had been following closely and rejoiced with the family when they brought him home. They brought him home in the blanket I made for them as a symbol of all the people they didn't know who were praying for their little Jack-Pot.

On Monday he was taken to the hospital because of labored breathing. The docs figured out what was causing the labored breathing, but it compromised his heart.

Early Friday morning, Jackson passed away. I was so sad when I read this and when I visited his site this morning and read about the funeral arrangements, I cried even more.

This little guy lived for 3 months when he wasn't even expected to live a week. Even though I didn't personally know Jackson, I will never forget him.

Morningstar Worship DVD

The Fed Ex man just dropped off my set of DVDs from Morningstar for the worship at the Kingdom Leadership Conference.

Oh boy am I excited. :)

You can get a set, too. ;)

Just click here.

Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Maker

In November, I think, I stopped drinking Coke. I would drink 3-6 cans of Coke a day. Insane, I know. I went from Coke to Diet Sierra Mist. But that was only for a couple of weeks. I rarely drink soda anymore. If I "need" a soda, I'll grab one of Scott's diet cokes. I will also drink an orange soda if we are out. But I mostly drink iced tea.

I would boil water and pour it over the tea bags in a small pitcher. I'd be making it every day. I went to Walmart one day and saw the Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Maker. At first I thought, why would I spend $20 on something like this? I can make iced tea just fine.

Well, I decided to get it. I love it. You add water to it like you would a coffee maker. A pitcher comes with it - a 3 quart pitcher. You don't add 3 quarts of water to the maker. You add 3 cups. The pitcher is then filled with 3 quarts of ice. You add your tea - loose or in bags and you can also add sweetners and flavorings (put in a coffee filter if you are going to use loose tea and/or other additives). The pitcher is placed flush to the maker and the maker will dispense the tea into the pitcher on top of the ice. The ice will melt only a little, but then you put the pitcher in the refrigerator so the ice stays pretty much until the tea is gone. I love it that I don't have to do 3 steps.

Just wanted to share. :)

Yes, I got the blue. I love blue. :)


Click here to buy online from Walmart

Oh, yeah. Make sure you have plenty of ice on hand before you decide to make some. The first time I tried this, I found all my ice trays empty. My kids use ice and don't fill the trays back up. That lovely habit has since stopped. I have 6 ice cube trays and use about 4 of them. Today I used all 6, but there were cubes missing from some of them. Maybe the lesson hasn't been learned, yet. That reminds me. I need to get new ice trays. :)

Adam Nitti

The bass player on our worship team had heard about this awesome bass player who played at the Morningstar conference - Kingdom Leadership Conference held in February 2006. She loaned the DVD to my husband and we watched Adam Nitti play. Wow. The whole worship team was awesome, as usual, but I had never seen Adam play.

I found his MySpace site and added his song to my profile. Very talented man of God. Check him out when you get a chance.

Adam's MySpace site.

Adam's website.

Holy Week

I read the verse of the day at Gospelcom.net. It is Romans 5:6-8 - You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I grew up in a denomination where church traditions were very important. I am no longer in that denomination, however, having been infused in the traditions for 9 years - going to the church's grade school from kindergarten through 8th grade - I remember clearly the traditions.

Holy week was one of the important holidays. We would go to school through noon on Good Friday. At noon there would be a church service and then we would go home. If I recall correctly, every Good Friday was overcast and often stormy.

I held Good Friday in high esteem. Even though I didn't have a relationship with the God of the universe, I knew He existed and I was fully aware of what transpired on that first Friday. I was always so sad. I knew the reason for His death, I knew I would be lost without that death, but I was so heartbroken that Jesus had to die such an awful, painful, long death. Maybe I never realized that He would have done it only for me if it came right down to it. I wasn't angry at those who actually put Him to death. That's good, because later, I would have had to be angry at myself, realizing that I would have had to be angry with myself. But it's interesting looking back at my days in grade school and thinking on the traditions of long ago.

As soon as I got home, there was Easter to look forward to and, of course, a week off of school. Good Friday was over and I didn't have to think about the death of my Savior anymore.

Sometimes I run across something that asks what our regrets are. I spent 18 years in a denomination that didn't believe one could have a relationship with God. We prayed, but didn't really expect an answer to prayer. Maybe on the large scale, for the denomination, for missionaries, for countries, but not really for our own personal requests. My denomination didn't believe in the supernatural workings of our God. Well, at least, they didn't believe that regular people could walk in those workings. They didn't want kids listening to Christian music. It was explained to me that it would encourage those kids to think outside denominational teachings. The denominational teachings were preserved in hymns of long ago and there was no danger of us learning wrong theologies through the hymns. Christian music is written by people of many different denominations and learning about different theologies is a big no-no in that denomination.

I am no longer a part of that denomination and I am thankful for that. It's a wonderful thing to have a relationship with God. It's wonderful to see His awesome workings in my life and answered prayers and to see Him work in the prophetic words He gives me for others. I would not want my life to be any different. Well, I would love for my relationship with Him to be deeper, but that will come. I do not regret my time spent in that denomination. I was able to learn important biblical truths that I know helped lay the foundation of my faith. I knew without a doubt that Jesus was real, that He is God and that He died so that I might live, and I knew without a doubt that when I died I was going to Heaven to be with him. I was not looking forward to spending forever in Heaven. I thought it would be boring, but I knew I'd be there one day.

This holy week, what will my heart ponder upon? Will I look to this week as putting to death my flesh so that I can rise in glory with my Lord. So that I can rise above my circumstances and walk in confidence in who I am in Jesus? It sounds like a good start to my week.

i'm off to take a walk to put to death my flesh and reflect on the goodness of God.

The weather in Florida

I left in Scott's truck to pick up some pizza for tonight's dinner. I looked at the sky, which promised rain. But in Florida, what looks to be promising rain is more like a tease. I was going to say it was a lie, however, that would not be correct. One just has to learn to read the skies in Florida, and I am not sure anyone has that art down yet.

I was hoping it would rain. It has been 2 weeks and 2 days since our last rain. That was a Thursday. I remember it well. Our lawn service had just been by, although they had already been by in March. Joel had been by to pick up my kids to take them to their homeschool athletic class. He dropped off his daughters in exchange. My oldest daughter was staying home with me. I heard thunder in the distance and reluctantly unplugged the modem, the televisions, and the replay machines. Not long after the rains came down. I made sure the buckets were in place, since we are still suffering from the effects of Wilma. Then the storm passed. I was hoping for a little bit longer storm, for the grass, but it was ok. Not long after, I went outside. I don't remember why. They sky was green. It was still. I looked up at the sky and the clouds were swirling. My stomach dropped. I shooed my daughter inside and said, there's going to be a tornado. I quickly prayed that there wouldn't be and that our house would be kept safe. Then the winds came. They were strong and reminded me of Wilma, which frightened me and made me wish that Scott was home. I sent him a text message alerting him to the storm. When he called me back I asked if he thought the kids were safe at the park. He assured me that they would be fine.

I heard this awful noise at our front window and thought for sure that the wind was going to bust it in. The rain was blowing right at the window and I couldn't see out. But I realized that what I was hearing was hail. Yes, hail in Florida. It happens about once a year. Joel brought the kids home early. The class was dismissed because of the storm, and yes, a tornado was sighted.

So, that was it. We hadn't had rain since. And our grass is cruchy. Nice description, huh? Well, it is. We had been hoping for rain so we wouldn't have to run the sprinklers.

Oh, yeah, back to my trip to get pizza. I'm driving down the road and I realize, a mile from my house, that the road is wet. No rain in sight, but the road is wet a mile from my house. Now, why coudn't have rained at my house???

*sigh* You know that song, "Have you ever seen the sun on a rainy day?" I have one for you, "Have you ever seen the rain on a rainy day?" Because I sure didn't.

Being Crucified with Christ

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. - Galatians 2:20

My prayer for the day. That the reality of this verse sinks into my heart.

I have been crucified with Christ. Does this mean that all my fleshy junk died, too? Does this mean that I don't have to get frustrated with my kids when they don't behave as I think they should? That I can walk in peace and choose to, instead of REACTING, I can be kind and gentle. That means that I don't have to lie down and accept whatever, but I can gracefully deal with the circumstances that come my way, because I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.

The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God. Each step I take, each task I tackle, each breath I take, I do it all by faith in the Son of God. I can choose to let this be a normal Friday, allowing my circumstances to swallow me whole and get frustrated and angry and out of peace (yes, this happens every Friday) or I can remember that the life I live in my body, I will live by faith in the Son of God, faith that I can tackle this day gracefully, gently, knowing that the Son of God loves me. The Son of God loves ME. The Son of God loves me, Debbie. The Son of God loves me. He gave himself for me. For ME. For me. The Son of God loves me and gave himself for me.

Lord, as I go through this day, make this verse alive in me. Debbie has been crucified with Christ and she no longer lives, but Christ in her. The life she lives in the body, she lives by faith in the Son of God, who loved her and gave himself for her.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

And I am OUTRAGEOUSLY LOVED. <~~~~ That is a clickable link to some awesome words.

Don't Go Away

I found Jeremiah's myspace and fell in love with the song, "Love is Everywhere". I went to his web site and purchased his CD, Don't Go Away. I purchased it April 3 and just got it in the mail today.

I'm very pleased with it so far.

God bless you, Jeremiah.

Not content

I'm not content. I'm not content to sit on the sidelines and watch anymore. I am sick and tired of caring what others think. If I put half the effort in pleasing my God as I do making sure I don't look foolish, well, I'd be well on my way to being content.

Change. It's in the air. It has been. But I think it's finally starting to permeate thick skins. I literally see raindrops with the word change in them soaking into a thick layer of skin. It's coming. And when change comes there's no going back to what was. When change comes, there is no WANT to go back to the way things were.

Over a year ago I crocheted a banner that says change. It's framed and hanging in my room. I think it's time to take it down off the wall and bring it to church with me, along with my Love Affair picture. I have GOT to stop worrying about what others think. I created these pieces for the Lord, not for anyone else. He delights in me and I want His love to come bursting out of me.

I'm getting ansty, like I'm super excited for something and I don't know what. But I do know what. I'm so excited to see what the Lord is going to do.

God, I surrender myself to you. Do with me what you will. I am yours. I will not let fear of man or anything physical get in my way of worship to you you.

Be glorified in me. YEAH GOD!

Glory to God Designs

I had been surfing Myspace and found some really cool sites. One in particular is called Glory to God Designs. Melissa makes beautiful jewelry. Check her out:

Glory to God Designs

I've seen I AM

Ive looked into the eyes of a Lion
I felt the courage in His gaze
I heard Him roar my name with passion
As I buried my tears in His mane

Ive looked into the eyes of a Lamb
I saw love face-to-face
I felt grace destroy my sin
As mercy flowed from the veins

Ive seen I Am
Now I know that I am loved
Ive seen I Am
Now I know who I am

I looked into the eyes of a King
I saw the beauty of holiness
I heard the voice of many waters
As worship poured from my lips

I looked into the eyes of a Savior
I saw love stronger than death
I kissed the scars that bought my freedom
As I laid my head on Your chest

Ive seen I Am
Now I know that I am loved
Ive seen I Am
Now I know who I am


Jonathan David Helser
The Awakening - 2005

Love letter from Emily

My 12-year-old daughter sent me an e-mail.

hi mom i want to say i?you soooo much see ya soon :):):):):):):):)

So, I sent her an e-mail back:

Dear Emily,

I love you very much, too. SOOOOOOO much. Please don't EVER stop sending me love letters. xoxoxoxox

Mom

And she responds with this:

hi mmom i will never stop your the BEST MOM IN THE WORLD


I can say that I'm a very happy mommy right now. I love my kids. :)

Pregnant and not married at 18

In 1990, an 18 year old girl named Debbie Schulz found out she was pregnant. She was scared, felt like she was alone, thought her parents were going to kill her, confused and did I mention scared?

That was me. I knew that the "easy" way out would be to get an abortion, but I also knew that would be killing the child growing inside me and I couldn't do that. I also knew it really wouldn't be the easy way out, that if I had done that, I would always remember what I had done and have emotional scarring for the rest of my life.

My mom and dad told me that they were disappointed in me, but loved me and would support whatever decision I chose. I knew that if I kept the baby, chances would be that my mom and dad would have raised him. This child needed a mom and a dad, not a teenage mom and grandparents raising him. I decided to give him up for adoption.

We spoke to our pastor (who is still my pastor today) and he connected us to an adoption agency. The adoption process started out as a closed adoption. The parents adopting my child wouldn't know who I was and I wouldn't know who they were. I was ok with this.

In 1990 there were some cases in the news of parents who had given their children up for adoption that came back 2 or 3 years later to get their children back. That frustrated me. I couldn't imagine the heartache the children and adopted parents were going through. I decided to write a letter to the couple who were adopting my child. I let them know that this was their child I was carrying and I would not come back later and try to take him/her away from them. It was not long after I wrote that letter when Jim and Cathy decided that they wanted to meet me. I am so blessed that God allowed this to happen. On August 30, 1990, Jeremy James was born. I don't remember the date I went up to Bradenton to finalize the adoption, but on that day he officially became Jeremy James Pope. Jim and Cathy had already adopted a beautiful Asian girl named Ashley. I remember her running around flashing her sweet smile.

Jim and Cathy had kept in touch with my parents and I, sending updates yearly. I was blessed to see Ashley and Jeremy grow.

This year Jeremy will be 16 years old. When I was younger, I used to think what life would have been like had I not given Jeremy up for adoption. But then I think of Jim, Cathy and Ashley and know that I made the best decision. God had a family in mind when he put the Pope family together and it involved Jeremy.

I married Scott in 1992. I met him while I was pregnant with Jeremy. One of the wonderful things about Scott was that he never judged me for getting pregnant. He loved me for who I was. Just a year after our first wedding anniversary, our first daughter Emily was born. In 1995, Caytie was born into our family and then the boys came. 1997 Levi, 1998 Jordan, 2002, Kenaniah and 2004 Logan. We are a blessed family.

I Will Never Leave You

Originally posted on MySpace on March 31, 2006.

Last week, when watching Lost, Jin told Sun he needed her because when they fought he had no one to talk to. I felt for him. Alone on an island full of people. I forgot about that, went through my day, went to church that night and one of our elders had a word of healing. He said that the Lord wants to heal those who feel alone in a crowd. I got up for prayer for that - never thinking about the Lost episode I had watched that morning.

Scott and I watched it again (I again, him for the first time) last night and I remembered and it meant so much more to me, like that word God gave through our elder was directed at ME.

Well, this morning I am watching this week's episode. John Locke had been remembering his dad leaving him and his girlfriend, whom he proposed to and she declined, leaving him. Back to present day, John set the prisoner free to help him. The prisoner could have escaped, but stayed. John was so relieved that he hadn't left him.

I did a search on "never leave" in the Bible...

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:8 - The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:5 - No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

1 Kings 8:57 - May the LORD our God be with us as he was with our fathers; may he never leave us nor forsake us.

There's more "never leave"s, but I was searching for when God says He will never leave. It's my belief that when God says never, He means never. That's where my faith lies. It lies in my belief that the Bible is God's word. And His word never fails, never lies.

God loves me. He will NEVER leave me, He will NEVER forsake me. I am loved by God. I am outrageously loved.

Hebrews 11:15

Hebrews 11:15
And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

Amplified:
If they had been thinking with [homesick] remembrance of that country from which they were emigrants, they would have found constant opportunity to return to it.

But the truth is that they were yearning for and aspiring to a better and more desirable country, that is, a heavenly [one]. For that reason God is not ashamed to be called their God [even to be surnamed their God--the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob], for He has prepared a city for them.

--------------------------------------------

Get your mind around where God had promised you will be, not where you have left. Do not go back and visit where you came from, have faith for that which God has promised.

Outrageously Loved

I heard this today on an album by Jonathan Helser. The song is called, "Inheritance".

The Lord says that there is nothing that you can do
That would make Him love you more
There is also nothing you can do
That would make Him love you less
He loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
because he loves you because he loves you
Because that is what He is like
It is His nature to love
And you will always be the beloved
And His love is unchanging
And He loves you 100%
He won’t love you any better when you become better
He loves you 100% right now
And even if you have no plans to become better
He will still love you 100%
Because he loves you
Because that’s the way that He is
And even if you don’t want to change
He will love you 100%
Even if you have no plans to walk with him
He will love you 100%
Because that’s His nature
He loves all the way – all the time
His love is unchanging
What will change, says the Lord, is your ability to receive my love
And this evening, I want to cram some more of that ability inside you
So I challenge you, says the Lord
Open your heart to Me
Open your heart to Me
And you will receive more of my love than you have ever experienced before
I dare you, says the Lord, come up
Open your heart to Me
Give me your heart
Give me whatever your obstacle is
I’ll take it. I’ll remove it out of the way
Because I love you as you are right now
I love you 100% as you are right this moment
I love you as you are
So be loved. You are the beloved
It is your job, says the Lord, to be loved outrageously
It is why I chose you
That is why I set my love upon you
That you would live as one who is outrageously loved
That you would receive a radical love
So radical that it will blow all your paradigms of what you think that love is
And know, says the Lord, that I will love you outrageously all the days of your life
Because I don’t know how to be any different
This is who I am
And this is who I will always be
This is the I Am that I promised you
I am He that loves you outrageously
And you may love Me back with the love that I give you
You may love Me back outrageously with the outrageous love that I bestow upon you
And know this says the Lord that you can only love Me as much as you love yourself
So My love comes this evening to set you free from yourself
To set you free from how you see yourself
To set you free from the smallness of your own thinking about yourself
My love comes to set you free from rejection and from shame
and low self esteem and from despair and from abuse
Because when I look at you says the Lord
I see something that I love
I see someone that I can love outrageously
And I have so much to bestow upon you
So much to give you
So many places to take you in my heart
But you can’t go there unless you allow Me to love you
And My love for you will break every barrier
bring every wall crashing down
And know this, says the Lord, My love damages fear
My love hates fear
My love will fight fear
It will fight fear in you
It will fight fear around you
And if you have fear this evening says the Lord, than know that you have a treat in store
Because My perfect love casts out fear
There is no fear where I am present
Because My love casts out fear
Beloved, you are My beloved
You are MY beloved
And in My love I want you to feel good about yourself

Sound of Silence

Heard Simon and Garfunkel's song, Sound of Silence this morning:

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I’ve come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left it’s seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
’neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out it’s warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper’d in the sounds of silence.

Reminded me of when I was 18 and pregnant. I immersed myself in this song. It's amazing to look back at that time. I was so depressed and thought that the world was crashing down around me. Fast forward 17 years and I look at what we've gone through and almost laugh at myself for feeling so scared and lost and alone. If only I had known what would transpire in the years ahead. Well, I guess it's good I didn't know. But God is good and he works all things for good in the lives of those who love Him.

Jeremy, I do not regret the decision I made to give you up for adoption. Your parents are wonderful people and you and Ashley are great kids. God bless you and I love you.