Evaluations

The evaluations are over and were a success! It's a simple reminder that the God of the universe loves me.

Evaluation

I pushed back our evaluation from last Tuesday to tomorrow (8/23). I'm wishing now I hadn't. I am so not looking forward to this, I feel sick. I know, the worst that can happen is that they will not progress. But I just have this awful fear of failure and what the evaluator will think of me. I know - silly. Fear of man thing and all. But I just went through the girls' books and, well, I just want to buy those books.

Scott is coming home for the evaluation, it's at 1. I'll check back in when it's over.

Evaluation

I homeschool 4 of my kids.

The first year I homeschooled, I gave my daughter a standardized test and turned it into the state.

The second year, my daughters were seen by an evaluator. She was a bit rough around the edges, but things went fine.

The third year I took my girls to her again. She passed my youngest daughter and did not pass my oldest daughter. Her understanding of my daughter's curriculum was incorrect. And her basis of evaluation was incorrect. She did not look to see if my daughter showed progress - she looked at my daughter's age and said that she should know cerain things that she did not know and did not pass her. I turned that into the school board instead of getting a second opinion. I was not a strong person and just didn't think of getting a second opinion.

But that evaluation caused me to believe that I couldn't teach my children effectively. But I knew that the Lord called me to homeschool my kids. There was a war going on inside my head and I was going crazy.

I continued to homeschool my daughters the next year and my son also joined the ranks. But when it came time for evaluations, I couldn't take them to the other evaluator for fear of the same thing happening as last year. But I also didn't pursue getting another evaluator because I was afraid of what to tell the other evaluator and I was afraid I would be judged and my kids wouldn't pass. I told you I wasn't a strong person.

The next school year, I homeschooled 4 of my kids. A friend of mine was looking for an evaluator and told me that she found someone and gave me her number. I called her because I knew I needed to get the evaluations done, but I was a year behind and cowering in fear. The school board hadn't contacted me about the missing year, but I was so scared to open my mailbox everyday for fear that they would suspend my right to homeschool.

I saw Wendy, the new evaluator, and explained that we hadn't had the kids evaluated in 2 years, can she do 2 years for us. She did. She wrote up 2 letters per kid, well, the three that needed them and one for my son who had just started.

2005 - I was feeling insecure again in this area since we started out thinking we would do unit studies. Homeschooling 4 kids and having 2 babies was stressing me out. I did one unit study, had them do math and for a couple of months (they go by so fast), I did only Math. I didn't have all the books, and the fear just started taking over because of my procrastination.

I think it was January when I started getting back on track with the school work, but I was having the kids correcting each other's work. I still was having a difficult time managing everything.

Then I found out that Wendy moved out of state. I was crushed because I thought we had finally found someone who worked for us. Now we would have to find someone else.

I sort of left the ball in my friend's court since she was the one to find Wendy in the first place and I knew she would have to find someone for her son. They went away on vacation during July and I got to spend that whole month worrying.

We started up homeschooling again this past week, just picking up where we left off with one exception. I am now sitting down with them. We all work on the same subject at the same time. I work with them to make sure they are understanding their work. I read aloud and work with them on their problems. I still hadn't found an evaluator. My friend came back this week, but I hadn't spoken to her. I realized it really wasn't up to her to find me an evaluator, although, it would easier that way. I had been praying nearly every day for the past month that the Lord would send us an evaluator.

My friend called today to let me know she found someone. I called him and he sounds very kind. He had 7 children of his own that are homeschooled. He has been an evaluator for the past 10 years and has taught highschool, middleschool, been a principal and is now writing curriculum.

I had gone through the boys' work last week because their drawer was completely disorgainized. I don't think the girls' work will be too difficult to go through.

I have an appointment with him to evaluate my kids on Tuesday at my friend's house with her son. I am so scared. I guess I'm still weak. I am trying so hard not worry about what other people think, not to be a man pleaser, but my kids future with homeschool lies in this man's hands. Ok, it lies in mine, but if I blew it last year, he has the power to pass or fail them.

So, tomorrow and Monday I will be going through their books to gather a sample of their work for the evaluator to go through. I will be praying that the Lord give me peace and help me stop worrying. It is what it is. I cannot go back and do things over. I need to accept responsibilty for my actions and hope that things go well on Tuesday and make this next year our best year so far.

This phone call today should have increased my faith. The Lord answered my prayer and sent me an evaluator. But I am still feeling so insecure in my ability to teach my kids that I forgot to look at that as an answered prayer - a blessing.

If you believe in the power of prayer and believe in Jesus Christ and believe that God still answers prayers today, if you are reading this and it is not yet Tuesday, August 15, 1:00 PM EST please pray for me. Pray for Bill, the new evaluator and pray for my kids.

Thanks.

Necklace

Some friends and I pitched in to purchase a necklace for another friend for her birthday. I contacted Melissa from Glory to God Designs and told her what I had in mind, based on a vision I received while in prayer about this. I had seen hands cupped together with blue inside.

Well, I received the necklace today and it's beautiful! She did such a great job on it.

The silver bowl is about the size of a quarter. Around the blue opal, it says, "Before the lamb holding golden bowls of incense prayers of the saints singing worthy" - parts of Revelation 5:7-9.



  


I highly recommend Melissa if you have any jewelry you'd like to have made. She's professional and a joy to work with.

Exercise

I exercised today. It was the first time since June 9. I could feel that I gained weight and last night I just knew I needed to start up again. Although it was difficult, I could tell that my body so desperately needed this. It was good to get back in it again. I was glad when the 25 minutes were over, but I was also happy that I did it.

Finding crochet in worship or finding my worship in crochet

For quite a while now, I had been desiring to create my own crochet pieces. But I get stuck on the idea that I just don’t know how to put stitches together, or, in the aspect of making doilies, how much to increase with each round.

It’s been catching up on me, though. The need to create my own projects. And, yes, I believe it’s a need. The Lord has given me this gift and the desire to crochet. I love that things are created with yarn and a hook. It’s amazing to me. But there was something missing.

I have been working on a Superman blanket that I charted out myself and have come to the conclusion that cross stitching on an afghan stitch canvas would yield better results. I will be finishing the blanket how I started it, but I want to try out the cross stitch on an afghan stitch canvas.

Well, today I had decided to practice the afghan stitch/Tunisian stitch. This is a first for me because I usually do not practice crochet stitches, I just pick a pattern and crochet it. But I was a little intimidated by cross stitching on an afghan stitch canvas. I had attempted to do the stitch about 2 or 3 times. The first was successful, however, I got some other requests for items to make so the afghan stitch got put to the side. The other 2 times I just couldn’t get it.

I went into my stash and found some grey yarn that I probably wouldn’t be using for anything else and thought this would be good to practice with. After practicing and researching the “curl” and finding out that this is something that happens and that I can work with, I decided to go forward and make a canvas.

As I was crocheting, I turned on some teachings from Morningstar. It’s from a series called Beholding His Glory and is a teaching series on worship. In the teaching, “The Life of a Worshipper”, Leonard Jones points out that we need to give over our grey matter of our minds to creating new things. I smiled as I watched the grey yarn creating a canvas, knowing this was an encouragement from the Lord that I was going in the right direction.

So, we've been having work done on the house all week. We've had damage to ceilings and wall due to hurricane Wilma last year. My four oldest children are at my mom's for the week. Good timing as I don't know what I would have had the kids do while the work was/is being done. For the moment, the babies and I are either confined to the living room or, later, to my bedroom.

It's been a hard week emotionally. Scott has had something to do outside work/home Monday and Tuesday. He's been working late the other days. I'm stuck at home with no vehicle and no privacy.

Although I'm so happy this work is getting done, I'll be so happy when it's over and I can have my home back.

So, tonight I was feeling a bit emotional. I was listening to these awesome cds by Misty Edwards called Always on His Mind and Eternity. There is this one song that just really spoke to me. I'm going to type out the words, but I found that the music speaks more to me than the actual words do. The music and the way the artist sings it, which cannot be captured in written word. But here it is anyway:

What Only You Can Do

I'll take my cold, cold heart
I'll take my unrenewed mind
I'll take Your word in my hand
and I'll give You time to come and melt me
2x

I can't even love You 'less you call my name
I can't even worship 'less You anoint my heart, God
I can't even want You 'less You want me first
Come, fan the flame
Come, fan the flame

I'll take my cold, cold heart
i'll take my unrenewed mind
I'll take your word in my hand
and i'll give you time to come and melt me

Do what only You can do
Come, fan the flame

Do what only You can do

Just let my heart be alive
Let me be living deep deep on the inside

Come, fan the flame

More on The Da Vinci Code - Opus Dei

Last night, we were given a book by Josh McDowell called, "The Da Vinci Code - A Quest for Answers". It's a short book with 3 college aged characters discussing the movie and then reading the book together and meeting up once a week to discuss the book. One of the characters has done research on some of the organizations and events that occur in the book. When the other two raise questions, he pulls out the research he has found.

I have not read the book. I have not seen the movie. The only way I will read the book or see the movie is if I do not have to put down any money for it. I do not believe in giving people my money who deliberately mock God's word. Although I trust Josh McDowell and trust that his book is a reavealing of falsehoods in Dan Brown's book, I wanted to research for myself, which I am sure that Josh would be more than happy to see people doing.

I start with the first discussion in Josh's book - The Opus Dei. This is a real organization. According to their site and on a page talking about the book and movie, they let truth seekers know that most of the organization is made up of lay people and 2% are priests. But there are no monks in this organization.

I have been hearing that this movie is entertaining and well done. These people have been taking it in as fiction, pure and simple. They also recognize the falshoods stated in the movie and some disagree with what he has said about Christ. My question is, how can a book and movie with so many falsehoods in it do so well? I understand that it's a novel and not marketed as a documentary, however, having truthful statements about events and organizations is nice to be able to get into the story. Many people get angry and upset when a book or movie is inconsistant or incorrect in their portrayal of firearms. I know I am. When a character has a certain firearm and in the next scene he has a different one in hand (this happens alot) or when the character uses the firearm in a way that particular firearm - if real - cannot work. But when a Christian voices concern about a movie depicting Christianity in such poor lighting we are told, how can a book or movie shake you in your faith? My faith is not shaken. But I do not appreciate the lies that are being told in this book.

Mona Lisa Smile

Another W.I.P.

I am watching the movie, "Mona Lisa Smile" with Julia Roberts. Based in 1953, a radical thinker from California comes to the west coast to teach art at a conservative women's college.

I knew that I would like the movie. I knew that the writers wanted to "liberate" the minds of the conservative, or to show it's liberal audience how silly and primitive conservatives are.

The audience is supposed to shudder at the thought of young women being pruned to become wives and mothers and not even out of college.

I am a Christian. I am not religeous. Well, I don't want to be.

Conform to what other people expect or you can (our mega conservative character steps in and finishes the sentence) be ourselves.

It is my belief that liberal society expects women to work. Work, work, work, make money, have sex, get an abortion if you get pregnant, fulfill your dreams now while you are still young. Rise to the top, who cares who you step on.

I'm not saying that the conservative society is better. I don't really know what the conservative society would have women do nowdays. I do know that the choices I have made, the choices my husband and I have made for our family are frowned upon by both sides. 6 children. I stay at home. I homeschool. It's shocking.

We follow what we believe to be the leading of the Holy Spirit. That is the difference between what I do and what a conservative or liberal woman would do. I don't follow what a certain party does or thinks. I don't follow what a religeous party does or think. My frame of reference is the Bible. My bible is the Bible. The inspired word of God. My God is alive. My God is not stuffed in a book. I have a relationship with Him. I know that He has my best interest in mind.

Conservatives are all about traditions.

Liberals are all about breaking them.

No one has all the answers.

I agree with what the writers are saying, that one must not blindly follow others. But don't you dare look down your snooty liberal nose at me, when I tell you that I am a wife who loves her husband. I am a wife who stays at home and homeschools her children. And I want to homeschool through high school. I want my children to be the best at whatever it is they choose to do. But I do think that mothers should be mothers full time. I do not think that it's healthy for a family when a mom works outside the home. The mother should put her husband's needs and the needs of her children first. There is time for a woman, who chooses to get married and have children, to pursue her other dreams after the children have left home.

Ok. So I finished watching the movie. I liked it. I liked the characters and I liked the way Julia Robert's character made the girls think. To not accept something just because it's been this way always.

I did appreciate the interraction between Miss Watson (J.Roberts) and Joan (Julia Stiles) when Miss Watson approached Joan at Joan's house to give her some law school information in the city where Joan's boyfriend was going to be residing. Joan let Miss Watson know that she and her boyfriend eloped last night. Miss Watson was clearly disappointed, but quickly regained her composure and said that Joan could have both. Joan told Miss Watson that being married and having a family was what she wanted. Joan reminded Miss Watson that she told the girls to go after what you wanted. Joan told Miss Watson that what she wanted was to be a wife and mother.

The problem with the interraction was that I was made to believe that Joan wasn't sincere. That Joan was "settling" because that was what was expected of her and was not really what she wanted. Again, the "conservative" lifestyle was made to look like a compromise and not really following your heart.

We are a diverse nation. We all have our own dreams. Just because I am living out my dream of being a stay-at-home mom and a wife diesn't mean I compromised anything else. Not a balanced movie at all. But, is there really a balanced movie out there? This one just struck a nerve because I felt that the "family structure" was being attacked.

The Da Vinci Code

Rick Joyner at Morningstar Ministries had some good information on the book, The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I encourage anyone wanting to seek out truth on this to include this on your list of things to read.

The Da Vinci Code and The Gospel of Judas
Rick Joyner's Word of the Week for week 19 also touches on this.

Rogue Waves

I had been watching the television show on the Discovery Channel called, "Deadliest Catch". Cool show about Alaskan crab fishermen. They had mentioned something about rogue waves coming and coming over the ship.

Monday morning, I awoke to a strange dream. I was in the ocean. There were lots of people there at the beach. This wave comes out of nowhere. It's HUGE. It is over us and smashes us down. I'm ok and look back and there is another one. I run to the beach and the next wave comes and overtakes the beach.

There's more to the dream, but more on that later.

I'm now going through the tv guide looking for interesting shows to record and come across History Channel's, Rogue Waves. I'm watching it now and am reminded of my dream and what I saw on Deadliest Catch.

I think I have some research to do and see what God is speaking in this.

I write to you, little children

I write to you, little children,
Because your sins are forgiven
you for His name's sake.
I write to you, fathers,
Because you have known Him
who is from the beginning.
I write to you, youn men,
Because you have overcome
the wicked one.
I write to you, little children,
Because you have known the
Father.
I have written to you, fathers,
Because you have known Him
who is from the beginning.
I have written to you, youn men,
Because you are strong, and
the word of God abides in you,
And you have overcome the wicked one.

1 John 2:12-14

Jeremiah 17:1-18

My calendar for May has the scripture Jeremiah 17:7,8 - Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord...he will be like a tree planted by the water.

I love this verse. I want to be like a tree planted by the water. I want to be blessed because I trust in the Lord. This verse is awesome. But I wanted to dig a bit deeper and read what happened before Jeremiah wrote this.

Jeremiah 17:1-18

1 "Judah's sin is engraved with an iron tool,
inscribed with a flint point,
on the tablets of their hearts
and on the horns of their altars.

2 Even their children remember
their altars and Asherah poles
beside the spreading trees
and on the high hills.

3 My mountain in the land
and your wealth and all your treasures
I will give away as plunder,
together with your high places,
because of sin throughout your country.

4 Through your own fault you will lose
the inheritance I gave you.
I will enslave you to your enemies
in a land you do not know,
for you have kindled my anger,
and it will burn forever."

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

10 "I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."

11 Like a partridge that hatches eggs it did not lay
is the man who gains riches by unjust means.
When his life is half gone, they will desert him,
and in the end he will prove to be a fool.

12 A glorious throne, exalted from the beginning,
is the place of our sanctuary.

13 O LORD, the hope of Israel,
all who forsake you will be put to shame.
Those who turn away from you will be written in the dust
because they have forsaken the LORD,
the spring of living water.

14 Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise.

15 They keep saying to me,
"Where is the word of the LORD ?
Let it now be fulfilled!"

16 I have not run away from being your shepherd;
you know I have not desired the day of despair.
What passes my lips is open before you.

17 Do not be a terror to me;
you are my refuge in the day of disaster.

18 Let my persecutors be put to shame,
but keep me from shame;
let them be terrified,
but keep me from terror.
Bring on them the day of disaster;
destroy them with double destruction.

I want to be that tree planted by the water. I want to make sure that I don't let sin in my life get in the way.

Mommy, are we going to Morningstar today?

I've been hearing that every day for a week now. It's awesome. The Auld family is going to The Gathering Conference at Morningstar June 29 - July 1. I'm SO excited and so is the rest of the family. Kenaniah, our 3-year-old, has been the one asking me every day. I've been playing the Morningstar worship DVDs and I showed the kids that that's where we are going and that we are staying in the hotel where the conference is going to be held. Kenny wants the conference to be tomorrow! How sweet. He's actually the only one of my kids to have gone to a Morningstar conference. But he cannot remember as he was less than a year old. :)

Frann. Debbie.

I believe that God uses dreams to speak to us. I woke up this morning (maybe around 8:00 or so) to a woman saying, "Frann. Debbie." My mother-in-law's name is Frann. My name is Debbie. My first thought was that an angel was calling both of us. I don't know exactly why, and I did ask God why we were both called. I know that we both suffer/suffered in the past from asthma. So I prayed against asthma, prayed for healing from asthma. I also prayed protection for Frann.

I do pray that the Lord reveal more as the day goes on regarding this.

Hatred and the Power of Forgiveness

I'm listening to a Jack Deere teaching, "The Power of Forgiveness" part 1. I am only 23 minutes into it and have heard the first 15 minutes of it about 4 times today. I'm coming up against some massive opposition to listening to this teaching. It's amazing. I know that it's something that I have to listen to as I'm dealing with forgiveness issues right now. I'd much rather sweep the issues under a rug and forget about them than deal with this forgiveness thing that is so hard.

Anyway, Jack, Mr. Deere, is talking about a time he was praying for this 23 year old woman who has arthritis. He's praying and he thinks that it doesn't seem right that someone so young has arthritis. He hears two phrases. "Failed romance". "Fired". So, he asked her about these things and it turns out that a guy she was involved with broke up with her and around that time she had been fired from a job that she loved working with people that she loved.

Jack told her that she needed to do two things. He said that first she needed to tell God that she forgives them for firing her and then ask God to forgive her for hating them all these years.

Then Jack went on to say that it's not popular in "the church" to say that you hate someone. Some people will say, "you don't really hate someone, you're just very irritated with them." He was saying that you need to be real and understand what it is that you are really feeling. Stop being "religious". Can't we call hate, "resentment, bitterness, advanced loathing". 1 John - if it's not love, it's hatred.

Anger, unforgiveness, rottenness. Wanting someone to pay for their wrong. Proverbs 27:4 - Anger is cruel. Anger is the exact opposite of the currency of the Kingdom of Christ. When we hold anger in our heart, and we don't want to forgive them because they don't deserve it. It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it.

Lord, thank you for helping me to let go of this. You are an awesome God who loves me.

The beauty of the cross will have it's way in me.

Take my life
I belong to You
Take my life
You make all things new
Take my life
I belong to you
Take my life
You make all things new

I belong to you

Coffee Tavern

Yesterday I cleaned off my desk. It's something I need to do about once a week since I put tons of stuff on it all the time. I came across a coffee mug I bought from a place called the Coffee Tavern.

About 2 years ago, Scott, the kids and I went to North Carolina for our family vacation. A friend of ours told us to check out the Coffee Tavern. She had seen it online and thought for sure I'd like it.

We went and it was great. It's this barn that's also a coffee place. It's pretty big. It has a deck that goes all the way around. Besides the strip mall and medical building, there are woods and grassy areas all around. Nice and peaceful. It's deck intersects with a walking path through the area.

This morning I was thinking about the Coffee Tavern. I think it would be so nice to have something like that here. Some place to gather together with others, walk outside, enjoy the scenery.

*Sigh* I'm just feel nostalgic right now. :)

Coffee Tavern's web site

Being obedient to the voice of God

I'm listening to Brad McClendon speak. I have the mp3 of the Deliverance and Spiritual Warfare Conference. Brad's teaching is Ministry of Deliverance and Healing. The teaching is just really stirring up my faith. It's a reminder that God said in John 14:11-14, "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

Sometimes I think it's a scary prayer to pray - "Lord, I want to do greater things than what you had been doing. Use me, Lord. I will obey." But I want to see God's Kingdom come and it starts with the Kingdom inside of me coming out. I think that asking the Lord to use us as He will is the the only way for the Kingdom to come. So that is the prayer I will pray today. Use me, Lord.

~just a thought~

You have not because you ask not

I recently heard a story.

A friend had been receiving phone calls to his cell phone and it was the wrong number. It was a collection agency trying to get a hold of a customer who was behind on their car payments. The collection agency kept calling. I suppose they thought my friend was lying about it being a wrong number or something. Well, my friend decided that since they kept calling, he would go ahead, take the calls as this person and see about getting some grace on this loan for the person. He figured it wasn't going to cost HIM anything, why not? I don't know exactly what happened, but it made me think. Why do I get fearful and intimidated whenever I'm on the phone with these people? It's crazy, I tell you.

Today I checked our bank balance online. Yesterday we had purchased tickets for the family to attend a Morningstar Conference and 2 hotel rooms. Cost a pretty penny, but it was a good price, considering. Anyway, I realized that there wasn't quite enough in the bank to cover it. So I had to write a check from another account we have to cover it. When I checked the bank yesterday, the charges had not gone through. I checked today and the deposit was listed first, but then the bank charged us, 4 times, NSF fees of $25 each! So, I thought, why not call and see about getting the charges reversed? What can that hurt? So I did. The gentleman I spoke with put me on hold, came back and said, "I went ahead and reversed the charges." Cool.

I figured, let's see what my mortgage company will do for me. We have been paying our payments the month the payment is due, but after the grace period. I wanted to see about getting the due date moved from the 1st to the 20th. Unfortunatley, I was unable to make this happen. I did find out, though, that it does not affect our credit when we are late, as long as we pay that month. That's helpful since we are working on getting that fixed up. The $65 late fee a month is hurting a bit, though. Maybe one day, soon, we can get caught up. But the important issue to remember is that I got brave and called to see if it could happen. I was nice on the phone and not intimidated. It was a great feeling. :)

Now, I know that in the context of James 4:2, James is letting us know that we need to ask God with correct motives and not to be greedy. And I don't believe I was being greedy. ;)

Molly Williams

I love listening to Molly's music and know that God has many exciting plans for this woman of God.

This is her MySpace site

This is her website

Enjoy God through Molly's music.